For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
