i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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