Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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