I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
