..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
