note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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