there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
