You work out of a Hotel?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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