Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
