roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
