he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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