She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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