worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize