so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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