You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
