You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
