it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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