I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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