four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
