I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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