New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize