i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
