so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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