So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize