i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
