I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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