...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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