If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
