I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
