You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
