I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
