Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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