I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
