Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
