i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
