Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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