The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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