I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he shaved USA in his pubs
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
