You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
