the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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