I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
