bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
