my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
