Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
