Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
