I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
