she kept yelling 'call me bella'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
