Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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