First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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