One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
