I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
