My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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