The maid of honor just puked.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize