is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
