Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
