New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
