Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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