I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
