I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
