i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize