mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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