he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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