i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
