I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i've created a new STD.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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