you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
