you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
