Whod you bang
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
