That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
