i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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