She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
