Just cropdusted the office
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
