dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
