i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you made out with another girl for some wings
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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