Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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