i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
