there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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