Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
