i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
