Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
