My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
