i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
