she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
