We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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