I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please come you make the beer taste better
you didnt know i had herpes?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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