saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
