Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
