I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize