She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
