If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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