she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found the puke drawer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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