I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize