WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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