Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
