that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
