Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize