fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
