Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
