The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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